Modern Moonlight

I had a dream that I could fly! Those dreams are fun, but they make me anxious. I'm supposed to feel free in those dreams, I'm assuming, since I'm open to go anywhere, but I'm always flying against something, like gravity.... does that even make any sense? Whatevs.

I dreams that I could fly! But. I could only fly when there was music playing, and I couldn't fly through clouds. It was a cloudy night. Then a monster (some guy, actually, but he was scary) was coming after me, and I couldn't fly away because I was too scared to think of music. Then the Dresden Dolls (who weren't actually the Dresden Dolls) came out and played music. Amanda (not really Amanda) played a fast song on the piano (like the title of this blog) and I was able to fly. I couldn't fly high enough, though, because it was cloudy. The clouds were VERY low, too, so the guy was still able to go after me. They kept playing, and I kept flying. Finally, there was a small gap in all the clouds that I was able to squeeze through and get away.

Ummmmm, Alright

Sunday night: I dreamed that I was in a large body of water. I want to say it was a lake or a large pond, or even a pool. It was only waist-deep. I submerged into it.... I sat down at the bottom, with my knees up to my chest, and my arms at my side. I couldn't move; the best way to describe it would be to imagine a heavy, wet mattress wrapped around me. Even when I struggled, I couldn't move a muscle, but it felt different than it would if I were frozen that way. It was strange. I couldn't move. I was under water, and I couldn't move...

Monday night: I dreamed that mom was dead. It wasn't so much the focus on the dream. The dream was about surviving without her, I guess. I was trying to figure out what to do with dad. He could take care of himself, but I couldn't let him just be alone. I wanted someone to take care of him. Of course, he's not alone at all. He has my brothers there, but it's not the same. I kept asking him to move in with tio Reyes. I wanted him to have company. Otherwise, it meant I would have to live there. He ended up living with tio Tomas, which was weird.... it wasn't right.

Tuesday night: I dreamed that Ruben and Mercedes were having an argument, and Ruben was drunk. He was wasted. She was arguing with him, probably about being so drunk, and he lifted his hand to hit her. I stepped in and told him to back off. I distracted him. I said something, but I can't remember what it was. What ever it was, though, it made him walk to the bathroom to look in the mirror. As he was walking away, Mercedes was quietly jumping and clapping in relief and gratitude that I was able to stop him from hitting her. He saw her through the corner of his eye, though, and forgot all about looking in the mirror. He was going to hit her, but I didn't let him. He ended up beating me up, instead.....

Gravity Plays Favorites

I dreamed of children dying. There was a park… Everyone was gathered at the park for an event of some sort. All I remember is that the park was in the city, on a cliff…… no, it wasn’t a cliff, it was atop a parking garage. I remember this because everyone was standing close to the edge (there was no barrier, no fence, no wall to keep anyone from falling over) and they were looking down and just hanging out. Across the “park” was an apartment building. The apartments had pretty spacious balconies. There was a balcony in a certain apartment that was on a lower level than the park. There was a clearing between a few people, so I ran as fast as I could and jumped across the street and landed on the balcony. I jumped even though I wasn’t sure whether I would make it or not. I didn’t really think about it too much, and I did it anyway. I looked back at the crowd, and I was happy and relieved that I actually made it.

Then, three children attempted it. I don’t know who these children are (I didn’t know anyone that was in my dream). They had short, black hair and medium-toned skin. One jumped, but he went straight down. He landed on a small ledge from the parking garage (it was about three stories tall), but he lost his footing and he fell all the way to the bottom. The other boy jumped and landed on that same ledge, but he looked like he landed sitting down, and he wouldn’t move. He let out a short moan, and then didn’t say a thing. I looked at him in utter shock for a minute, but thought that maybe he was just in a daze. I looked around for the third kid, but I didn’t see where he landed. I looked back at the second kid, who was now crawling onto the second-level pavement of the parking garage. The people were still up top at the park, just kind of standing there. Nobody was screaming. The boy made it onto the level, and I noticed a large rod of some sort sticking out of his back. He had landed on it when he fell. The boy finally fell flat on the ground and died.

I was still on the balcony and turned to face the apartment. The balcony looked like the one I have at my apartment, but it was three times the size of mine. Don’t know how it came to be, but Nene and Mia were there. I think my parents might have been behind us, but I’m not sure. Mia was younger, though. She wasn’t two years old. She was maybe one, still bald, and able to walk. She was holding on to the balcony’s railing…. Then she fell through. My heart literally stopped, my dream stopped, and I woke up, already sitting down with tears in my eyes. It was horrible. My mamas.

"I Don't Need Saving"

I dreamed that I was exorcised. It was so strange (like most of my dreams). I was… at mom’s house, I think, and Izzy was going to exorcise me. I told him that he was crazy, that I was fine. I was fine. I didn’t understand what it was that made him believe he had to exorcise me. The simple fact that he was the exorcist was strange. Who would have thought? He was all decked out in his torn jeans, his black, band t-shirt, his black boots, his long hair, and his chains, but he didn’t listen to a word I said. He said that he was going to save me, and he was going to get rid of all the demons. I was in disbelief about it. I thought it was ridiculous. I kept telling him that he was being crazy, and that I was fine. I wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it all. At this point, I was sitting on the floor, looking up at him. I told him to look at me, and listen to me, and that he would see that I’m as normal as ever. He then threw holy water at me. I put my arms up to keep it from splashing on my face, and, to my surprise, it burned! It actually stung. It was eating at my soul and sure enough, demons were released from my body. I focused on the pain in my arms, but I was completely surprised that the demons were in me at all, and that I was not aware of them. Izzy saved me. How fucking weird is that?!

As Heaven Is Wide

I haven't been having many dreams in a while. Not many that I remember in detail, anyway. I think it's due to the fact that I haven't been sleeping deeply enough. I sleep throughout the night, but it's not the same. Last night, though, I was finally able to sleep like I used to. Don't know what brought that on.

As usually (when I'm able to remember dreams) I had more than one. All I remember about the first one is that there was an ugly duckling, and someone thought it would grow up to be a swan, but I knew that it would grow up to be a duck or goose.... that's all on that one.

I also dreamed of heaven, or a part of heaven. It looked almost like another planet. The sky met the stars. The sky was a crisp blue, and I could see outer space in the distance. Wherever I was, it was small. If I was on another planet, it didn't feel larger than... about 2-3 acres. Everything was perfect. There were few trees, but not heavy with leaves or branches. There were so few that I could count them on my fingers, but that’s all that was needed because the sun wasn’t blazing hot, and we didn’t need lots of shade. It wasn’t windy, either. It was as calm as ever can be. It wasn't hot or cold (even though it was a clear day). It wasn't day or night because time didn't exist. It wasn't dry or wet. It was the perfect balance.

I was with two others, but I can’t for the life of me remember who they were. I want to say one of them was Mercedes, but I’m not 100% on that. We were just relaxing, sitting on the large rocks. The rocks themselves were quite perfect. They weren’t scattered all over the place. They were along the edge of a small lake (so small that it could be called a puddle), lined up almost perfectly. The surfaces were completely smooth. Some rocks were round; some were flat. They weren’t all the same sizes or shapes, but they were all equally picture perfect. It was very calming. There was no sound. No wind, no cars, no birds, no breathing; Just the water.

A man came up to us. He was dressed as though he just came from a farm. He had his mussed hair, red plaid long-sleeved shirt, dirty jeans, and boots. He wasn’t the best guy to look at, but he wasn’t ugly…. Until he spoke. His teeth were rotted. They were large teeth, and they definitely could have used the help of braces when they were growing out. He was preaching to us about God. He told us about whom He really is. He wasn’t some nut, though. I didn't know the guy, but I knew that he was speaking the truth.

He walked up, away from the lake, to a small area that had freshly trimmed grass that was resiliently green. It was a small garden area, but I don’t remember seeing any flowers. Just trees. The walk-way was regular cement stone, with bricks bordering all around. It looked something like this (minus the spaces):

╔╤╦╤╗

╠╪۞═╣

╚╧╩╧╝

The center being a pond; not round, but a perfect square. I think that is what was most memorable from this dream; the scenery. There was nothing in the distance. It’s as if the world literally was square and ended on the horizon (not a cube, because that would mean that there was a side of the world at the end of the horizon). Everything was as it should be, very symmetrical. The water in the pond was very still, and a deep color gray. It was maybe two feet deep.

As he walked past it, we got up to follow him, climbing up the small knoll between the pond and us. We all sat down on large stones, or whatever was around, and listened to him teach us the truth about everything. He asked about our religions, or lack of, and explained why we felt the way we did, and why we saw things the way we did. I looked him only in the eyes (again, he wasn’t very pleasant to look at) as he went on and on. We asked questions, and he answered them with ease. He wasn't a god or an angel. He was just a man who happened to know these things. Our questions didn't surprise him. He didn't react to anything we said. He just answered them truthfully. He wasn't concentrated on us, either. It's as though we were just there in the background. He was more focused on his surroundings. But he had an answer to every question I had about anything.

It was comforting.

Relaxing All Cool...

I can't remember exactly what the dream was about. I woke up hours ago, so the memory has blurred. I just remember a somewhat patriotic bike. Everyone was on bikes (everyone, meaning the cousins). All the bikes had a special something to them, though. There was one someone had left laying on the floor, so I borrowed it. The special thing about this one was that it looked more like a motorcycle, and the handle bars weren't attached. They still functioned, though. It was wireless (or metal-barless). There was no pedal, though. To make it go, you had to slowly slide your hand over the handlebar (like an iPod, to switch through songs). It went way too fast, though. I couldn't get the hang of it.

Somehow, the dream turned into something else. I was in a department store with a few friends. I can't remember everyone that was there, but I'm assuming it was the whole "Garbage gang." We were walking through the store to get into the mall. A lot of people were doing the same. It was a large store, and the walkway seemed to have many twists and turns. I looked back and noticed Duke Erikson walking a few feet behind us and was talking on his cell phone. He was wearing glasses, as always, and was looking very relaxed and happy. I slowed down my pace, hoping he'd catch up to us. He finally did, and I greeted him. He was off his cell phone. He said hello back, and we started to chat (we, as in all of us). We invited him and the rest of the band back to Ellie's place to hang out. To my surprised, he was up for it.

Unfortunately, that's when I woke up.

One Lump or Two?

I had a dream that I spent a holiday with Kelly and Jen. Their family lived at my old house on Mancero. I went there and everyone was just relaxing and chatting. There was TONS of food on the table. I was stuffed, but Jen insisted that I eat some of her bundt cake so I did. It was yummy! She was talking to a grandma (I don't know whose). They were talking about the show (or the guy) Martin. It was..... weird.

Then I went outside and met up with Kelly. She was just sitting on the curb in front of the neighbor's house talking to someone. I realized that that someone was Andy. I said hello and they both got up and we all continued to talk. Andy mentioned something about camping. I let him know that it was still on.

Then the teacups came; like the ride in Disneyland. We all hopped in, but Kelly and Andy began to talk again, not really noticing what was going on. I myself had to spin the cups. The faster we spun, the more they began to quiet down and enjoy the ride. Then we had to switch teacups because apparently, the one we were on was defected. So we got on a new, shiney one. Then we had a hell of a time.

That's all I can remember about that. Fun dream, though....